Sweet Tangerine.

I feel an urge to blog today. Weird, queer events have happened of late. First, Jae starts being nice again, next an out-of-the-blue sms from Nazry, then Ive got a pathetic Kai begging at my feet. Isnt it funny how people have no sense of shame, no dignity, no sense of righteousness whatsoever? Why is it that some can be so conscious of feelings and some not? As I ponder about how this events have pass me by, how it has mould me, maybe Im thankful for some parts of it. It instilled in me a sense of strength and control over myself, my life. I am glad I rejected money for the sake of my dignity and principles. Maturity to see the larger picture, the morally correct path. Stupidity has outgrown of me and left. I will not be pushed around, I will not be nice, or want to appear nice. Attempting to put such people on a guilt trip to allow them to learn their own lessons would be futile. It would only make me appear weak. Although appearing strong in not letting myself get hurt is only a euphemism for being too weak to trust, Id rather feel that way. People may say this girl is so strong, shes so cold she's iced herself from feeling, from getting hurt. In fact, she's afraid to fall, to trust, because shes too weak to allow herself more trauma. Whatever floats your boat, my friends. Im happy this way. I know it may not be the happiest I could be, at least Im not upset. For now, Id like to sit back, and watch the world go by, witnessing the agonies of life and smile because Im not a part of that reality. Id watch everyone as though they were in a movie, and feel consoled, nodding knowingly to myself that Ive made a right choice to be the onlooker and not the protagonist in this gruesome play titled "Life". Intelligence, I call that. (:

Touchdown Turnaround.

Finally heaving a sigh of relief. Been gasping for air the past week with Info Essay which is due today. Unfortunately, this is just a pause to catch my breath before a longer, more tedious lap. Proposal Essay. After this is due, it marks the start of VACATION. which means Ive got to find a job soon. Yes, I lost my job. Unjustly. Sigh. :/ I was wrong. Lazy Gourmet is the one and only place that was good. I miss Kai, Edwin, Sairi, Ivan, and even the annoying Khirwan. They took such good care of me. Anyway, no point brooding over what's gone. Im just hoping for the better.

Baybeats tonight! I cant wait. It reminds me of Mervyn. I remember how we saw the fireworks and all. Yes, that reminds me, I must bring my camera today! Finally hanging out with my darlings. Work has took me apart from them lately, so at least theres a good side to embrace instead of being unhappy I got terminated. Its their loss. Haha.

Void.

What a moody day. I dont know why either. Everything feels so filled with nothingness. (Notice the irony.) Hence, the title Void. Ha, I cant blog anymore. I feel that I have suddenly ran out of vocab to write well. Or rather I just cant seem to find the right words. This weekend is supposed to be fun because my parents are away. But no, it just seems worse.

Just now at work, I suddenly missed Daph. Randomness, I know. I was thinking, she was the one who was bitter and pissed because she thought Ive moved on so quickly and all. In the end, she is the one happy. And only my words seem to stand true-- that I can never find anyone to replace her. Even though I didnt want to be with her anymore, I know that I will never find someone anywhere close to being similar to her, and yes she is irreplaceable. Besides mervyn, I havent met anyone good after her. Daph hopes I 'regret it all (my) life'. Yes, maybe I might regret. But if it wasnt then, it would be now, or the future. Like the saying goes, good things doesnt last forever and too much of anything good is also bad. So either way, I guess it wouldnt work out. Or maybe Im just consoling myself?

I feel stupid to have believed in people's words. Words are cheap. Yes, but words are really something that can make or break. It can bring about a great difference. So which should you believe in? Take it along with the situation I guess.

Pardon the emo-ness. Its the night, or maybe its the lack of companion, or maybe its just today..

What a confusing and confused entry.

Once again, the sun is rising, and sleep brings comfort in all situations. So, goodnight.